Oh, savvy business woman standing straight and tall
Atop your new Segway, lording over us all.
With your pin-striped grey suit and Coach briefcase in tow,
You think you’re superior – say walking’s too slow.
“Gangway! Step aside! I’ve a meeting to attend,
Vast proposals to craft and blast emails to send!”
With utter contempt you ran us off the sidewalk,
Quite oblivious to all our bitter jive talk:
“Who does Miss Segway think she is?! Who made her queen?”
Such unified hatred – the best I’d ever seen.
A man near me frowned and muttered, “Oh, how absurd!”
I said nothing aloud, just inflaming my GERD.
We’ll soon find out just who is the Queen of West Loop.
You doubted that down to your level I would stoop.
This story’s not over. The plot, it does thicken.
I challenge you now to a real game of “chicken!”
One day, someday soon, crowds will part like the Red Sea
As I speed right toward you in my new ATV.
My name, they will praise. It is the stuff of folklore.
Generations to come will be eager for more.
“Tell me again, mommy, how the battle was won,
That day when foolish Segway challenged Run Jen Run.”

Filed under: General on September 29th, 2004