Inspired by Hardee’s bold introduction of the Monster Thickburger, I decided that the time was right for me to launch a new product of my own. I really need to keep my finger on the pulse of consumer demand, so yesterday I had my market research team follow me around for the day to do some market research on the average thirty-something recently employed amateur tap-dancer. The market research that the market research team came back with helped me understand what my target audience is looking for.
The research indicated that Americans are working more hours than last week, wear turtlenecks at least twice each week, are eating 50% more candy than usual, and have a strong desire to be well informed about current events. After an important brainstorm session on my train ride home, my product development team created the following new feature designed to help Americans feel “plugged in” to this hectic world. It’s called “Current Events (as read over that guy’s shoulder).”
It’s concise. It’s timely. It’s proactive. It’s everything our focus group participant wanted. I’m certain that by reading these entries, I will become a much more aware citizen and consequently, a more productive contributor to society. So without further ado, I’m pleased to introduce our new feature:
Current Events (as read over that guy’s shoulder)
“K-Mart Snaps Up Sears for $8 Billion” – Chicago Tribune, October 18, 2004
I’m really excited about the merger between K-Mart and Sears because now, instead of having to not go to two different stores, I’ll only have to not go to one.

Filed under: General on November 19th, 2004