Hey, Seattle, it’s Jenny. Are you screening? Pick up. Hello? Okay, I guess you’re not home. Anyway, I just wanted to call to say hi. Hope things are going okay wi- Oh hey! You’re home! I’m sorry, did I wake you?
I’m sorry, yeah, I know it’s early out by you. I just… I needed to hear your voice.
I know – it’s been a while. How have you been?
No, I’m okay, but things are really messed up with Orangehat and me right now. I’m ending it, Sea. I’m going to ask him for a divorce.
Why would you even say that? You know I’m not getting a divorce because of you. I told you that things were bad long before I met you.
Because it’s the truth! You’re the one I love, Seattle! I was so stupid with Orangehat – trying to hang onto something that hadn’t been working for ages. Looking back, I’m not even sure it ever worked. I rushed into marriage with him before we really got to know each other. I mean, do you have any idea what it feels like to think you’re in love with someone, but then suddenly wake up and realize you’re sitting next to a complete stranger? It’s the loneliest feeling in the world, Sea.
I deserve to be with someone who loves me as much as I love him. Isn’t that what we all want?
I know – I feel the same way about you. I just wish you lived closer to me – I never thought that having a clandestine long distance marriage to a city in the Pacific Northwest would be so hard.
I know you don’t like it when I bring this up, but I really wish you would consider moving out here. Illinois is a great state.
Well, Washington doesn’t recognize our marriage either, so what’s the diff-
We are a blue state!
Well, yeah, but we have Lake Michigan.
No, you can’t really eat the fish out of there, but it’s way bigger than Lake Washington.
Mmm, I think almost three million, but it doesn’t feel that big.
I don’t know, fairly temperate, I guess. About 84˚ in the summer, 21˚ in the winter…
Average monthly precipitation? How the hell… look, I’m not the Census Bureau. All I know is that my marriage to Orangehat is over, and you and I can finally be together all the time now.
I can’t stop thinking about you. I’ve tried to get you out of my head, but everything keeps reminding me of you. I mean, I walk past about 15 Starbucks every day, I eat salmon at least once a week, and last night VH1 had a Behind the Music about Pearl Jam. This can’t all be one huge coincidence!
Honey, don’t. I can’t have this conversation again. You know I can’t move out there – my job is here, my family is here. Won’t you at least consider it?
What do you mean, how? You just pack up your things and move, like everybody else.
Yes, babe, I realize that you are a city, but cities move all the time. Houston used to be in Colorado until about 1827.
I don’t know, I read it somewhere.
Stop trying to change the subject. Look, hon, I don’t want to pressure you. All I’m asking is that you think about it. I’m telling you, my place is so much bigger – I have the perfect spot picked out for the Needle. You’re going to love it here!
Okay, well, go back to bed and get some rest. I’ll give you a call tomorrow, okay?
Don’t worry, I won’t. Two hours behind – got it!
Love you!
Bye.

Filed under: Orangehat Chronicles on February 4th, 2005