Dear Universe
Dear Universe –
Hi there! How the heck are you? I know it’s been a really long time since I last wrote you – I couldn’t find your email address for the longest time, but then I was digging through my archives and stumbled across it. Anyway – hope things are going well with you.
Things have been a little crazy with me lately, but I guess you already knew that, right? Ha! Yeah, you sure are keeping me on my toes. And usually, I’m totally cool with that. I know I’m a really lucky person in general, so I always look at the little curve balls you throw me as gentle reminders to not become complacent.
But I guess I really wish that if you had a problem with me, you would’ve just picked up the phone and called me. Really, Uni – you and I go way back, and I thought we kind of understood each other when it came to these sorts of things. The robbery? Helped me become more aware of my surroundings. Losing half my hardrive at work? Practice makes perfect. The forged check? I had a really great experience with my bank’s customer service department. But this Saturday? I kind of feel like that one was just you being a little vindictive. I just don’t see how that was really necessary. I thought you liked to play your games in sets of three, but now this is four. So did the hard drive not count? Or am I now on Round Two?
I don’t want you to think that I’m an ingrate, because I’m really not, but when I complain to myself about having writer’s block, that’s really just a way for me to get more focused on my writing. It’s not a celestial request for material, honestly. Look, I’m not trying to point any fingers. I just want to make sure you and I are on the same page. I get the message – you think I need more interesting things to write about. Point taken.
But seriously, I have a lot of topics to work with right now. Heck, I’ve still got at least two more stories from my New York trip alone. And last week I started drafting a special Easter entry – really, things are going pretty well in the blog department.
Anyway – I just wanted to clear that up. I’d really rather handle this like adults, and get away from all this passive aggressive crap you’ve been throwing my way lately. It’s just never been your style. You have my cell number – give me a call this week and let’s talk.
Regards,
Jenny
Filed under: General on March 14th, 2005
March 14th, 2005 at 10:17 am
Oh no… I can’t imagine what Uni has come up with this time. My head is swirling with anticipation. I’m going to go ahead and assume it is something more dramatic than the loss of a large batch of Marshmellow Peeps. (of which I am still patiently waiting for a post about) haha I love Peeps!! Fortune mag had a great Peep article this week.
You must see the research done on Peeps. http://www.peepresearch.org/
When the going gets tough, the tough bite the head off of a Peep.
Welcome home!
March 14th, 2005 at 1:06 pm
OrangeHat didn’t seek out revenge for dumping him, did he? Seattle cheated on you with Portland?
C’mon, don’t hold out on us, just so long as it isn’t anything serious.
March 14th, 2005 at 2:54 pm
Chin up, young person!
March 14th, 2005 at 7:23 pm
I’m so sorry to hear about your troubles with the universe. That bastard.
Plans are currently in operation to take over. I promise that once ducks are in control, all vindictiveness and spite will stop. All we’ll ask is a small tax, and maybe the rights to your first born, and the occasional virgin sacrifice (and yes, they MUST really be virgins — any attempts at corner-cutting will be dealt with harshly).
March 14th, 2005 at 7:23 pm
I’m so sorry to hear about your troubles with the universe. That bastard.
Plans are currently in operation to take over. I promise that once ducks are in control, all vindictiveness and spite will stop. All we’ll ask is a small tax, and maybe the rights to your first born, and the occasional virgin sacrifice (and yes, they MUST really be virgins — any attempts at corner-cutting will be dealt with harshly).
March 14th, 2005 at 8:21 pm
Hey – you tell me what I need to sacrifice, and I’ll do it. Do I need to give up my Peeps? Done! Say goodbye to Orangehat and Seattle? Orangehat who? Kill a virgin? Point me in the direction of the altar. But… can I give up the Peeps after Easter? Let’s be reasonable here.
March 14th, 2005 at 9:25 pm
Hey, have you seen what they do to those peeps? I’m appalled at the pain and suffering peeps have to go through just so we can eat them. (I’m all for starting a peeps’ rights chapter.) But, to be perfectly candid, univeral takeover probably won’t be completed until well after Easter, (Easter is an important duck holiday)so eat up. . . for now.
March 14th, 2005 at 9:25 pm
Hey, have you seen what they do to those peeps? I’m appalled at the pain and suffering peeps have to go through just so we can eat them. (I’m all for starting a peeps’ rights chapter.) But, to be perfectly candid, univeral takeover probably won’t be completed until well after Easter, (Easter is an important duck holiday)so eat up. . . for now.