I Hardly Know This Beauty By My Side
Well, if my last opinion poll taught me anything, it’s that I don’t know you at all. I thought you felt like you could say anything to me, but clearly that’s not the case. Obviously it took a random opinion poll for you to be comfortable enough with me to let me know that you liked beef Stroganoff. I’m not mad at you; I just wish you had told me sooner.
All I can say is that I am truly, truly astounded by the results of our last poll. On the controversial topic of “foods we would eat until the end of eternity,” the results came in as:
36% Leftover beef Stroganoff
29% Hamburger flavored pizza puffs
14% Sardines packed in mustard
14% Circus peanuts
7% Chicken and rice cat food with hairball remedy
0% Egg beater omelettes with no salt or butter
There are so many observations that can be made about these results that it’s hard to even comment. The only thing I can say, however, is that the next time I have a potluck dinner, 36% of you will be asked to bring beverages and/or fruit salad.
As excited as I was with the results of this initial poll, it did reveal to me that I need to spend more time getting inside your heads. If we’re ever going to bring our relationship to the next level, we need to focus on sharing our feelings, which is why I’ve decided to sponsor a weekly opinion poll, covering the most pressing topics of our time. The polls will continue until I feel we’ve become closer, until you stop answering, or until I run out of survey ideas, whichever comes first.
So with that, I launch my next opinion poll:
Question: If you were stranded on a deserted island with only one singer, and he/she could only sing one of his/her hit songs for eternity, but then ultimately you would have to eat that singer to survive, who would it be?
- A: Rod Stewart – Do Ya Think I’m Sexy?
B: Richard Marx – Don’t Mean Nothing
C: Phil Collins – Sussudio
D: Kenny G. – theme from Dying Young
E. Charlotte Church – any song from Voice of an Angel album
G: John Mayer – No Such Thing
I look forward to getting to know you all even just a little bit more than I did a few days ago!
Filed under: Opinion Poll on June 14th, 2005
June 14th, 2005 at 10:13 am
I suspect I’d look upon Rod Stewart leftovers the same way you’d look upon beef stroganoff leftovers. So I’d have to nix that one right off.
I think I’ll have to go with C on this one. At first, the energetic rhythm of Sussusussusssuussudio would be a shot of energy I pour into furthering my own survival. Making huts and coconut shell shoes and such. And then I could use that energy in the hunting, killing, and consuming of Mr. Collins just in the nick of time to save myself from total brain-damaging madness.
June 14th, 2005 at 10:33 am
D: Okay, I should know better than to check my blog at work, because I seriously just burst out laughing at your “hunting, killing and consuming” of Phil Collins comment. Oh, that was a good one!
June 14th, 2005 at 2:11 pm
Well, I am gonna have to go with the Rod Stewart option here. That is to say I would listen to approximately 1.5 rounds of that dreadful song before getting a “belly full” of the Rodster. Hey I gots to eat, you know! And considering the Stroganoff is no longer available…
June 14th, 2005 at 3:17 pm
I see that being a member of the Beef Stroganoff Eaters of America is not going to win me any brownie points here. This one was a tough one. Not a big fan of any of these people, and if I had to listen to just one repetition of their music I would bag them before I was hungry enough to eat them. That said, I would have to eat them, and eating just for the sake of eating isn’t good for your health. Plus I would be hungry later when I really needed it. I would go with Charlotte Church. Pretty voice to soothe the hungry beast in me, and young enough that the meat hasn’t gotten tough yet. Mmmmm…English.
June 14th, 2005 at 3:39 pm
i find it more interesting to analyze how you posed this particular opinion poll – because you’re asking us not ONLY which sappy crooner we could handle listening to for eternity, but you are ALSO asking us who we find more delectable based on some weird canabalistic insight that (apparently) i dont have. i guess i would be SOL if i was one of those argentinian boys in ALIVE.
your opinion poll is either asking us what kinda bad music we like, OR whether or not we think white boys are the other white meat.
until you clarify your intentions, IM NOT TELLING. ha!
cheers
hooizz
June 14th, 2005 at 11:46 pm
H: Yes, indeed. This survey is a complex one. But just like in real life, on a deserted island we are often faced with decisions that tear us apart inside. Do I bring the musician I like, only to later have to eat him? Do I bring a musician I wouldn’t mind eating, only to have to listen to her horrendous music for days while I fatten her up on coconut milk?
I won’t deny that this is a challenging poll. But, while I may not know a lot about the people who visit here, I know this: they’re a tough lot, and I trust their decisions will be good ones. You have my complete confidence.
June 15th, 2005 at 7:15 am
Hasn’t Phil Collins put on some weight over the years? I could take a few days of Sussudio before I get too hungry.
June 15th, 2005 at 8:54 am
You tease me with Chris DeBurg, yet I can’t choose him as my island mate? Psh. I guess I’ll go for Richard, then. But he’s singing Hazard for me.
June 15th, 2005 at 9:53 am
Oh, wow! Where have you been all of my life? And, well, all of your life?
I just found you. And like I said up there, wow!
Now I know what I am going to do with my spare time today….read you, find my tap shoes, and make too much beef Stroganoff.
Whoohooo!
June 15th, 2005 at 10:38 am
I was going to say Charlotte Church until I realized that with her being the only female on the list my answer might be construed as having other-than-musical motives. So put in this dilemma I’d probably just have to puncture my eardrums and be done with it.
June 15th, 2005 at 1:36 pm
I would have to go with Charlotte Church…I just can’t imagine sinking my teeth into the nether regions of Rod “The Bod”…or the hairy ass of that monkey Kenny G (look how hairy that mo’ fo’ is!!) Maybe because she’s female…ok, definately cause she’s female. I’ll take Church and hope she tastes like chicken!!
June 16th, 2005 at 7:55 am
Definitely Phil Collins!!
June 16th, 2005 at 9:19 am
I would only be able to eat people if we were on a deserted island in the arctic. Things just taste less when they’re cold and I could just cut off hunks of that person who’d been buried mostly in the ice and thereby disassociate with that which I was consuming. And I would have to eat John Mayer, hoping in the tradition of certain indiginous peoples, that his talent would become my own once I’d ingested him.
June 16th, 2005 at 5:47 pm
I’m delighted to say that, based on song titles alone, I only know one of these lame excuses for music. And I do have an ipod with 15 gigs of real music on it; I don’t deny myself the pleasures of the euphoneous muse. can’t we get Jorma or Django to crash on this island too?
my answer then: any of these singers would swiftly be reduced to “musician jerky” and i’d do the damn singing myself. any requests?