Stop it.
Stop judging me.
Just because I ended yet another evening with a few too many drinks and my pants mysteriously unbuttoning doesn’t give you the right to pass judgment on me.
I’m not ashamed, you know. I know it may seem like I am, because I don’t talk about it a lot, but I’m not. Really. I do this almost once a month, and I like it better every time. I never get tired of it. In fact, I did it again this past weekend. With my parents.
That’s right. We went to Olive Garden.
Yes, I am Italian. And you know what? It’s just like they show in those commercials – real Italians do eat at Olive Garden. And we like it. Sometimes we bring our Uncle Nino with us when he visits from Palermo. And he likes it, too, especially when we all link arms and belt out Volare while waiting for our heaping bowl of salad to arrive.
I just wish the rest of the world could be as open and loving as Olive Garden. If we could all just set aside our differences for one minute and try the new Garlic Shrimp Limoné with angel hair pasta, I think we’d all be better for it. It’s available for a limited time only.
Oh, hello Adam. I’m so pleased you’ll be our waiter this evening. Your warm smile and ready basket of breadsticks are exactly what I needed tonight. Why yes, that raspberry lemonade does sound quite refreshing on such a hot day, but I believe I would prefer a nice glass of your house red, instead.
See, Adam doesn’t give me a sideways glance when I ask for more salad. He doesn’t look at me with self-righteous indignation when I request another glass of red wine, even though I am only halfway done with my first one. Adam understands that I just like to be prepared, and that I respect his time as our waiter.
Well, let’s see. Do I go with the reliably delectable eggplant parmigiana for $10.95, or pull out my passport and choose the Tour of Italy for $14.95 – fettuccine Alfredo, homemade lasagna, and chicken parmigiana all on one plate? Can you even imagine such joy?! Just like Mama makes it!
Oh, my. If only I had saved room for the seasonal Berries and Zabaione, or the Italian classic, Tiramisu. But alas, I couldn’t leave a morsel of your scrumptious pasta with marinara sauce on my plate, so I am afraid I am too full. But perhaps next time?
And yes, there will most definitely be a next time. Because aside from making me feel like I can be myself, like I don’t have to prove anything to anyone, Olive Garden also knows how to keep me coming back. As soon as I’m done writing this, I’m going to hop on www.olivegarden.com to fill out my satisfaction survey – good for one $3 coupon for future use!
Now that’s how you treat a lady.

Filed under: General on July 25th, 2005