Secrets and Leis
My friends Natasha and Farnsworth went to Hawaii for ten days, and all I got was…
… the most incredibly awesome good-luck happy tiki in the entire world!
Natasha, Dee-Dee and I had dinner last week to hear all about Nat’s Polynesian Adventure, and somewhere between the third and seventh time I asked her if she tried poi (apparently no one really eats it), she pulled out gifts for both of us.
I squealed with excitement and snatched my tiki out of her hand. As Nat continued her stories of lava rocks and lei greetings, I examined my gift, admiring the craftsmanship – the detailed grimace, the hands clenched as though to threaten those who might do me harm, and of course, his rockin’ ass.
“Ohmigod! Look – it has a butt! You got me a dirty naked tiki!”
I rubbed the bulbous buttocks with my thumb while giggling with delight. Nat and Dee-Dee looked around the restaurant to see if anyone had heard me.
“Okay, Jenny. Stop that.”
“Stop what? This?”
I then began gently petting the tiki butt with my index finger.
“Stop it! Stop petting his butt!”
“Okay, fine. I won’t pet his butt with my index finger anymore.”
I grinned while massaging the tiki’s posterior in a circular motion with my first two fingers.
The silent treatment.
“All right, all right. Sheesh – and you say I’m a prude! Well, I absolutely love my gift, Nat – thanks! This will get plenty of use.”
“You do realize that it’s a bottle opener, right?”
“Huh? Oh. Bottle opener… yeah. Cool!”
Filed under: General on October 1st, 2006
October 1st, 2006 at 1:27 pm
Awesome. There’s nothing like a good tiki with a great butt.
October 1st, 2006 at 4:16 pm
Oh, who is Caitlin kidding? There’s nothing like a great butt, tiki or otherwise. And now, you can honestly brag about being able to open a beer bottle with your rockin’ ass. It’s a great party trick, I’m just sayin.
October 2nd, 2006 at 1:00 am
Why isn’t the front as rub-worthy as the back?
October 2nd, 2006 at 1:17 am
Rock-hard ass. Good work.
October 2nd, 2006 at 4:28 am
You should see the corkscrew they almost bought.
October 2nd, 2006 at 6:38 am
Caitlin: Ain’t it the truth?
Shari: Good point – and to think that people used to be impressed when I’d open a beer bottle with my teeth!
Nina: It’s hard to tell from the photo, but trust me – your hand just naturally gravitates toward the tiki butt. It’s like one of those worry stones.
Sandra: Yeah, he’s obviously been working out.
Hap: Heyooo!
October 2nd, 2006 at 9:03 am
A good-luck ass AND a bottle opener in one? Hot damn.
October 2nd, 2006 at 9:19 am
If rubbing a brass lamp makes a genie appear in a waft of magical smoke, then rubbing a tiki butt? I afraid to imagine.
October 2nd, 2006 at 11:31 am
not only is it rock hard and bulbous, it appears to be shiny!
October 2nd, 2006 at 3:33 pm
Oh no! Haven’t you all learned ANYTHING from The Brady Bunch?!
October 2nd, 2006 at 7:14 pm
I think I dated that guy for awhile.
October 3rd, 2006 at 9:53 am
it will bring you good luck in the form of beer. sweeeeet!
October 3rd, 2006 at 2:32 pm
Who doesn’t love a tiki doll to open their brewskis? Have you named yours yet? You’re so naughty Jen.
October 3rd, 2006 at 3:37 pm
Forget the ass, check out those chompers. Thing needs a tooth brush, stat!
October 5th, 2006 at 9:51 pm
That’s awesome!! I love practical presents. This is the gift that keeps on giving…