I’m not proud, I’m just saying
[WARNING! totally irrelevant yet cute photo ahead]
For the first time in my life, and for reasons I can only explain as a dizzying combination of thirst and laziness, I drank straight out of the milk gallon (half-gallon) yesterday. And then wiped my mouth on my sleeve.
I suppose now the only thing left for me to do is learn how to make rude noises with my armpit in order for my transformation to teen boy to be complete.
Filed under: General on October 18th, 2006
October 18th, 2006 at 8:29 am
A good butt scratch would work here too.
October 18th, 2006 at 8:36 am
Don’t forget to pick your nose either. That’s key.
October 18th, 2006 at 9:31 am
Drinking from the milk jug gets a bad rap. First of all it is more efficient that going to the cabinet, getting out a cup, pouring the milk, taking the jug back to the fridge, putting it in, closing the door AGAIN, and walking back over to your cup of milk. Plus you don’t have to wash any dishes, which saves water and makes the environment better. Drink on, Jenny! Drink on!
October 18th, 2006 at 10:31 am
Gaaaah! You forgot the belch!
October 18th, 2006 at 1:18 pm
OK, am I the only one who has noticed that for Jenny to become any kind of boy she’d need surgery? Geez Jen, let’s start with content and THEN move to form, shall we?
October 18th, 2006 at 1:27 pm
Blow nose out onto the road, start each morning with a hearty fart and quit talking about feelings. In fact, quit talking.
October 18th, 2006 at 4:22 pm
Dude, I have three brothers. I can TOTALLY show you how to do the armpit noise.
October 18th, 2006 at 4:28 pm
margaret: NEVER!
peggasus: Let me repeat – NEVER!
heather anne: Wow – so I’m actually being an environmentalist by drinking from the milk carton. Nice!
communicatrix: NEVER! Okay, wait. Maybe I could swing that one.
shari: Don’t you get it, Shari? Teen boy is a state of mind. We can all be teen boys if we want to be!
Nina: Ah, the ever-classy farmer blow. I saw that happen once in the Loop. It was a man in a suit, and I almost vomited right on his briefcase.
Tracy Lynn: Man… my brother didn’t teach me nothin’!
October 18th, 2006 at 6:12 pm
You also need to practise and perfect a self-congratulatory show-offy pose (perhaps involving winking/nodding/muscles/a slap on your own butt) that you go into immediately following a belch or fart. I think you’re aiming too high with teen boy, our just-7 year old does all these things.
October 18th, 2006 at 8:06 pm
Was it milk or chocolate milk? I drink right out of the chocolate milk container because it is bad for me anyway. All bets are off with junk food.
October 19th, 2006 at 2:36 am
Be proud, you have taken a big step.
But more important. Who’s the dog?
October 19th, 2006 at 7:08 am
the editter: I wink and slap my butt pretty much any time I walk past a mirror.
Arwen: Skim milk, plain. Maybe I need to start drinking chocolate milk?
William: Thanks for the vote of confidence! And that is one of the many dogs I photographed at the beach a couple weeks ago (none of whom belong to me).
October 19th, 2006 at 10:04 am
had you just eaten a giant cookie?
October 19th, 2006 at 7:38 pm
If you could create a nice loogie and spit it on a ceiling where it hangs like a stalagtite, the transformation would be even more legitimate.
October 19th, 2006 at 8:02 pm
I’ve been living alone for less than a week and I’ve already done that…! I hate to think of what I’ll be up to in a month.
October 20th, 2006 at 12:22 pm
My thirst and laziness usually drive me to whatever glass is closest, usually resulting in three-day-old flat coke or a glass with an inch of rum at the bottom.
October 20th, 2006 at 4:43 pm
Jen, if you’re really dedicated to this transformation, I can offer my son for study purposes…..
When the box with lots of holes in it arrives, open quickly – he’ll be hungry.
October 20th, 2006 at 9:09 pm
It occured to me that someone might take my previous comment seriously – I was only kidding….there won’t be any holes.
October 23rd, 2006 at 1:31 pm
I’ve always wished I could make noises with my armpit.