Death of a Pacman: A Play in Five Acts
Cast of Characters:
Ms. Pacman – Jenny Amadeo
Pinky – Natasha de la Vista
Clyde – Farnsworth Featherbottom III
Act I
Scene: A maze
Enter Ms. Pacman, fair heroine. March of the Pacman sounds.
Ms. Pacman: In sooth, I know not why I am so hungry. It wearies me, this aching. But feed I must. Look ho! More dots, I spy.
Ms. Pacman: And such thirst! This burning of throat might only be quenched by the sweet, brown ale of Newscastle.
Enter Pinky, murderous enemy of the Pacman clan.
Pinky: Silence, swift feet! For yonder doth feast the widow Pacman. Oh, gluttonous fool! I see the death of your husband hath not stifled thine unending quest for pellets.
Ms. Pacman retreats, sensing imminent danger.
Ms. Pacman: Wokka wokka wokka wokka wokka.
Pinky: Run, yellow demon, run! For thou art certain to be trapp’d in yon dizzying maze.
Exit Ms. Pacman and Pinky
Act II
Scene: A maze
Pinky: The widow Pacman hath narrowly escap’d my grasp, but such fortune shall soon fade. Hark! Here comes Clyde, my most noble kinsman!
Enter Clyde.
Pinky: How now, dear Clyde! Where have you been gadding? But, gentle friend, what reason for this blue pallor?
Clyde: ‘Tis the widow Pacman, dear Pinky. A pellet of power once consumed hath made me vulnerable to her detestable maw. Fear comes upon me!
Pinky: Fear not, kind brother. Harm wilt not befall you whilst in my company. Look! The widow Pacman arrives. To the chase!
Act III
Scene: A maze
Ms. Pacman: O, nimble feet! Do not betray me, for my husband’s murderers are close. The blue one is weak, and his death shall bring me great fortune of at least 100 points.
Ms. Pacman: Condemned villain, I do apprehend thee! With your death, mine husband is revenged.
Act IV
Scene: A maze
Clyde: O Pinky… death’s pale flag hath advanced upon me. The light, it grows dimmer still.
Pinky: Alack the day! Dearest Clyde, thy lips are warm. Let not this breath be your last!
Pinky: He’s gone, he’s kill’d, he’s dead! O foul death, that hath suck’d the honey of thy breath! Curse you, hateful widow Pacman!
Act V
Scene: A maze
Enter Pinky and Ms. Pacman
Pinky: O noble Clyde, with the unreasonable fury of a beast shall I revenge your foul and most unnatural murder. About! Seek! Burn! Fire! Kill! Slay!
Ms. Pacman: Wokka wokka wokka wokka wokka. Look ho! A treacherous ghost doth cross my path. I see she loved her kinsman Clyde dearly. But it is no matter, for I am a widow driven into desperate terms, precious husband kill’d at the evil hands of this clan.
Pinky: How many pellets are left, Ms. Pacman? Enough for Inky? And Blinky? And Chino? Enough for all of you? And still one left for me? Well, I can kill now too, because now I have hate! How many can I kill, Ms. Pacman?
Ms. Pacman: Wokka?
Pinky: The devil, take thy soul!
Ms. Pacman: Heaven make thee free of it! I am dead, husband. Wretched ghost, adieu!
Pacman death march sounds.
Filed under: General on October 30th, 2006
October 29th, 2006 at 2:15 pm
Can I just say that if blog entries were awarded Oscars, you would surely win for Best Actress, Best Writer, Best Screenplay Adaptation, Best Director, and Best Special Effects?
Not to discount your co-stars… they easily deserve supporting Oscars for their riveting dramatic performances as well.
I must go now so that I might wipe the tears from my eyes and celebrate just being alive…
October 29th, 2006 at 2:21 pm
Oh… and can I just say that you look totally hot in that wig?
October 29th, 2006 at 3:59 pm
What a tragedy…
I’m going to go and hug some orphaned cats now to make myself feel better.
October 29th, 2006 at 4:57 pm
Um, no, seriously. YOU are my kind of people, and fer shur.
(And I also give a special thumbs up to the wig.)
October 29th, 2006 at 5:47 pm
I will never be able to play Ms. Pacman again without weeping uncontrollably.
October 29th, 2006 at 9:08 pm
Dave2: Ha – thanks so much! Yeah, I’m lucky to have friends who like to perform in impromptu plays as much as I do. Oh, and glad you liked the wig – I was at first offended when my friends kept telling me how much better I looked with straight hair, but I think I might start wearing the fuschia wig around town now…
Jon: No, really – it’s not actually that tragic. I still have like 3 lives left.
Ash: I thought of you when I was trying on wigs – really!
Elle: Ms. Pacman loved life, and that’s how we need to remember her.
October 29th, 2006 at 10:00 pm
From now on, for — like — forever, every time I need to have something repeated I am going to say, “Wokka?”
This was awesome.
October 29th, 2006 at 10:33 pm
Ha ha!! Awesome. Looks like a good time was had by all. Um, except Clyde. And I guess Ms. Pacman in the end.
October 29th, 2006 at 10:50 pm
Most importantly… will we be getting a live performance at TequilaCon 2007 PACNW??
October 29th, 2006 at 10:55 pm
This is an AWESOME post!!! Great job! And I loved the sound effects!!!
October 30th, 2006 at 6:17 am
That was great! you guys kill me. Jenny, you look fetching in bright red hair.
October 30th, 2006 at 7:44 am
…Gah?…
…Beh?…
…Snur?…
[Jason’s Brain here! Jason seems to have lost all power of coherent speech. Hence, I have jumped to the forefront, as an anthropomorphic representation of Jason’s inner thoughts, to briefly explain that Jason is mightily impressed by the above display of fanciness and big-worded-ness. Really really impressed. Aaaaaand… back to Jason!]
…Phba?…
October 30th, 2006 at 10:12 am
Heather Anne: I think wokka should become part of everyone’s vernacular. Thanks!
Diane: A good time was most certainly had by all. Even in death…
Dave2: Well, interestingly enough, I’m pretty sure Nat and Farnsworth are coming to TC07, so we may be able to accommodate!
NYCWatchdog: Thanks so much! Glad you liked the sound effects – they took me back to my youth!
Strode: Ha – thanks! The red hair definitely makes a statement, that’s for sure.
Sween: Ah, it’s easy to be fancy and big-worded when the internet gives you access to every Shakespearian play ever written…
October 30th, 2006 at 10:21 am
BRILLIANT! Absolutely genius, I tell you!
Oh – and Jenny that bright, red hair TOTALLY suits you(‘wokka, wokka’, baby)!
October 30th, 2006 at 3:15 pm
Dude, you made soda come out my nose.
October 30th, 2006 at 3:15 pm
TC’07 Encore!!!! Absolutely!! I was riveted, and now I have a strange desire for Smarties. I really didn’t think you could equal the karaoke machine, but clearly I stand corrected. (or sit, whichever…)
October 30th, 2006 at 6:17 pm
I know this is twistes, but am I the only one who thinks that Pinky’s hot?
I need to get out more.
October 30th, 2006 at 7:47 pm
Please, oh, please let me be in your next play! PLEASE? I asked nicely.
You are my heroine for this. Comic genius, Jenny. Ask me for something. You can have whatever you want. Seriously. That’s how much I adore you at this moment.
Definitely hot in the wig. Keep it around.
October 30th, 2006 at 7:58 pm
You so rock the Halloween gig!
October 30th, 2006 at 8:09 pm
Jess: Thanks! And did you just turn “wokka” into a dirty word?
Shari: I’ll give you front row tickets to our Portland debut.
Tracy Lynn: OUCH!
bts: No, Pinky’s totally hot, but beware: she’s a villain to the core!
Mocha: You can totally be in my next play – I’m picturing you as the exotic seductress type who comes to a tragic end. All my plays are tragedies.
kapgar: LOL – thanks!
October 30th, 2006 at 10:21 pm
Whatever. I can play a geekess like nobody’s business.
Oh, just so you know, I think all your “play” stuff sort of inspired some of my writing tonight for tomorrow’s post. Feel honored, not ripped off, mmkaythanksbye.
October 31st, 2006 at 9:15 am
ooh ooh ooh! those things that seem to be called smarties, in canada they are called rockets. this is relevant because someone i know was talking to someone in the states and saying how much they liked rockets and the person in the states didn’t know what they were talking about. they’re exactly the same though, packaging and everything, they just say rockets instead of smarties. now, if only i could remember who it was that was trying to come up with a point of reference for their friend in the states…
October 31st, 2006 at 2:01 pm
Just when I thought you couldn’t get cooler…
October 31st, 2006 at 7:44 pm
I’m speechless. Wokka wokka. That was wonderful. (applause, applause!)
October 31st, 2006 at 8:21 pm
Great fun. Great post. Wokka wokka wokka!
November 1st, 2006 at 10:01 am
Brilliant, Jenny! Just brilliant!
November 1st, 2006 at 4:08 pm
oh my goodness that was brilliant. I loved it!!!
November 1st, 2006 at 5:44 pm
You guys win hands-down for Best Costume on BLOG!
November 1st, 2006 at 7:26 pm
Mocha: I’m honored, of course!
Mainja: Okay – but let me ask you this – don’t you have a different candy in Canada called Smarties? I thought I remember someone telling me they were chocolate. Or did I make that up?
Sandra: You just wait ’til I get a real tattoo. Then I’ll be even cooler!
Waterfall: Thank wokka you wokka!
~Tim: Thanks so much!
peefer: I’m writing a special part for you in my next play…
suze: So glad you liked it – thanks!
Michael: Why can’t we always wear costumes?
November 1st, 2006 at 7:47 pm
I too loved the wokka wokka. I loved the Smarties and the fuscia wig – hell the whole thing was brilliant. And thanks for the link. Your blog is awesome.
November 3rd, 2006 at 12:11 pm
Jen,
This past week, whenever I am bored at work I will surf over to “Death of Pacman.” I love it.
Ry
November 3rd, 2006 at 4:33 pm
The play’s the thing wherein we’ll catch the conscience of the clan.
A most foul and pestilent murder, indeed! May flights of angels sing Ms. Pacman to her rest.
November 3rd, 2006 at 5:53 pm
You absolutely crack me up!