Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Libs
Last week, Queen Latifah and I were emailing about how since we share a birthday, we should plan a group celebration and I said, “Hey! Why don’t we call up the girls and go out for pizza and pitchers of beer? And then maybe later we can hit some clubs and go dancing. Sound good?”
And she was like, “Thank you for emailing Queen Latifah! We can assure you that Queen Latifah does read all her fan mail, and responds whenever she’s not on the road, filming a movie, or launching a new line of Cover Girl Easy Breezy Beautiful Cosmetics! In the meantime, don’t forget to check out her new CD, Trav’lin Light!”
So I guess she’s busy.
I’m kind of feeling weird about this birthday, and I’m not sure if it’s because 37 is just an unimpressive sounding year, or if I’m in a winter-induced funk because we’re now going on the FIFTH STRAIGHT MONTH of shitty freezing weather!
In any case, my lack of enthusiasm has made it difficult for me to make plans, so I thought I’d solicit some help from the Internets. But to make it more entertaining for all of us, I decided that we’d kick this old skool Mad Libs style.
So if you choose to participate, the first thing you need to do is DON’T CHEAT AND READ AHEAD! Don’t you remember how to play Mad Libs? You have to write down your answers first!
Okay, so here are the answers you need to write down in the comments before reading the Mad Lib text (I know… it’s a lot, but I’m one step closer to death. Indulge me, won’t you?):
1 emotion
2. your name
3. celebrity name
4. type of drink, plural
5. fast food restaurant
6. food item, plural
7. your favorite swear word
8. emotion
9. emotion
10. exclamation
11. famous actor
12. famous athlete
13. famous singer
14. adjective
15. prescription drug
16. famous politician
17. action verb, ending in –ing
18. comparative adjective, ending in -er
19. number between 1-36
Thanks for playing!
There Will Be Cake
I’ve got to be honest. I’ve been feeling kind of [1. emotion] about turning 37, so I was really excited when [2. your name] and [3. celebrity name] invited me out for some [4. type of drink, plural] this week.
I was a little confused at first when they took me to [5. fast food restaurant] since they know I’m allergic to [6. food item, plural], but I figured, “What the [7. your favorite swear word]? You only live once.”
As soon as I walked in the door, my mood changed from [8. emotion] to [9. emotion] because I saw that they had planned a huge surprise party for me! I couldn’t contain my excitement, so I screamed, “[10. exclamation]!”
Everyone was there: [11. actor], [12. athlete], [13. singer] – it was totally [14. adjective]!
At one point, after a little too much [15. prescription drug], [16. famous politician] hopped on a table and started [17. action verb, ending in –ing] like a crazy person. The manager threw us out and asked us never to return.
Still, it was totally worth it. This evening completely changed my attitude about getting older. I’ve decided not to let age slow me down – in fact, I just know I’m going to be [18. comparative adjective, ending in -er] at 37 than I ever was when I was [19. number between 1-36].
Filed under: General on March 18th, 2008
March 17th, 2008 at 11:19 pm
I’ve got to be honest. I’ve been feeling kind of [sorrowful] about turning 37, so I was really excited when [Robin] and [George Clooney] invited me out for some [diet Cokes] this week.
I was a little confused at first when they took me to Arby’s] since they know I’m allergic to [cookies], but I figured, “What the [shit]? You only live once.”
As soon as I walked in the door, my mood changed from [joy] to [happiness] because I saw that they had planned a huge surprise party for me! I couldn’t contain my excitement, so I screamed, “[crap]!”
Everyone was there: [Patrick Dempsey], [Tiger Woods], [Elton John] – it was totally [pretty]!
At one point, after a little too much [penicillin], [Barack Obama] hopped on a table and started [singing] like a crazy person. The manager threw us out and asked us never to return.
Still, it was totally worth it. This evening completely changed my attitude about getting older. I’ve decided not to let age slow me down – in fact, I just know I’m going to be [narrower] at 37 than I ever was when I was [34].
March 17th, 2008 at 11:55 pm
1 emotion: GUILT
2. your name: DAVE
3. celebrity name: ELIZABETH HURLEY
4. type of drink, plural: JAGERMEISTER SHOTS
5. fast food restaurant: MCDONALDS
6. food item, plural: FRENCH FRIES
7. your favorite swear word: BISCUIT!
8. emotion: SHAME
9. emotion: ANGER
10. exclamation: I LOVE SALTED LICORICE!
11. famous actor: JAMES EARL JONES
12. famous athlete: MAGIC JOHNSON
13. famous singer: MADONNA
14. adjective: SHORT
15. prescription drug: ZOLOFT
16. famous politician: GEORGE BUSH
17. action verb, ending in –ing: SLAPPING
18. comparative adjective, ending in -er: SEXIER
19. number between 1-36: SEVEN
March 17th, 2008 at 11:56 pm
Okay… some of my answers are a little crazy… but that last one is just wrong! Couldn’t you have at least made the low-end of the number choice be of legal age?
March 18th, 2008 at 12:00 am
I love Mad Libs! I wrote these down on a piece of paper first so I wouldn’t have to keep scrolling back up. Hilarious! Thanks for the diversion.
1 Joy
2. Dingo
3. Sharon Stone (I don’t know why this is the first one I thought of!)
4. Dr. Peppers
5. Sonic
6. tater tots
7. Fuck!
8. Amusement
9. Guilt
10. Sweet Baby Jesus!
11. Clive Owen
12. Derrick Jeter
13. James Blount
14. sultry
15. Xanax
16. Elliot Spitzer !!
17. skiing
18. dumber
19. Seven
March 18th, 2008 at 12:17 am
oh a thousand happy happies young lady. and of course i’m not playing
March 18th, 2008 at 12:24 am
robin: i think i might start saying “what the shit?!” from now on… I like it.
dave2: i’m wayyyy sexier than i was when i was 7! but i will never eat salted licorice again… i can still remember that play-doh taste!
dingo: allergic to tater tots? a fate worse than death!
kat: thanks! and i would have been all sorts of confused if you *had* played.
March 18th, 2008 at 12:29 am
I LOVE THIS! Happy birthday, tomorrow!
1. sad
2. Pants
3. Joel McHale
4. Metamucils
5. KFC
6. avocadoes
7. fuck me jesus
8. joy
9. indifference
10. sweet
11. Chris Burke
12. Katrina Williams
13. Steve Perry
14. fat
15. Prozac
16. Orin Hatch
17. humping
18. harder
19. 21
March 18th, 2008 at 1:40 am
!!!!
Happy Birthday!
1. anxiety
2. vahid
3. Salma Hayek
4. white russians
5. Quizno’s
6. chimichangas
7. FUCK.
8. moral outrage
9. indigestion (I realize this isn’t technically an emotion)
10. What the–?
11. Ed Norton
12. Mary Lou Retton
13. Celine Dion
14. moldy
15. xanax
16. Teddy Roosevelt
17. fly-fishing
18. moister
19. 35
March 18th, 2008 at 7:50 am
pants: so… there are so many things i could comment on about your mad lib, but let me say that if you ever got steve perry to come to a bday party for me, i would fly you to canada, marry you, adopt some francophone babies on the way through customs and get back all in time to hear steve sing Faithfully. that’s how happy i would be.
vahid: brilliant! my mood often swings from moral outrage to indigestion. i’m really not going to comment on your last answers.
March 18th, 2008 at 8:34 am
This = The best ever.
1. Pensive
2. Guadalupe
3. Johnny Rotten
4. Harvey Wallbanger(s)
5. Whataburger
6. Squash
7. Cocksucker
8. Disturbed
9. Unhinged
10. Sweet Tap-dancing Jesus!
11. TV’s Scott Baio
12. Tiger Woods
13. That bastard Barry Manilow
14. Astonishing
15. Levitra
16. Bob Dole
17. Spanking
18. Nastier
19. 11.5
Having just read through the results, I’m sad to see that I relegated a turgid Bob Dole to making such an ass of himself in public. See what you made me do? And him a veteran. Just awful. Happy birthday, homegirl.
March 18th, 2008 at 8:34 am
This = The best ever.
1. Pensive
2. Guadalupe
3. Johnny Rotten
4. Harvey Wallbanger(s)
5. Whataburger
6. Squash
7. Cocksucker
8. Disturbed
9. Unhinged
10. Sweet Tap-dancing Jesus!
11. TV’s Scott Baio
12. Tiger Woods
13. That bastard Barry Manilow
14. Astonishing
15. Levitra
16. Bob Dole
17. Spanking
18. Nastier
19. 11.5
Having just read through the results, I’m sad to see that I relegated a turgid Bob Dole to making such an ass of himself in public. See what you made me do? And him a veteran. Just awful. Happy birthday, homegirl.
March 18th, 2008 at 8:55 am
What’s wrong with “moister”? Vahid was just referring to the Cover Girl Easy Breezy Beautiful cosmetics again.