Harvest
I learned so much in the last class, what more could possibly be left? I already knew all about how many bees lived in an average hive, how many eggs a queen lays, how to identify queen cells in a hive, how to prevent swarming, how the worker bees can make a new queen if they need to, how commercial beekeeping is partly to blame for hive collapse, how you have to register with the state if you have your own beehive. I learned all of that, and more.
[don’t be fooled. this is a bumblebee, not a honeybee]
But what I hadn’t yet learned was ZOMG PON1ES! HOW DELICIOUS HONEY TASTES WHEN YOU SUCK IT STRAIGHT OUT OF THE HONEYCOMB! I might have accidentally licked a bee in the process, and it was so wrong it was right.
[honeydrippin’ good!]
So yes, this past Saturday was my second beekeeping class, otherwise known as Beekeeping II: Electric Boogaloo. No really, it was called The Harvest.
[smoke. it’s what’s for dinner.]
This time, in addition to my pal Natasha, I dragged my mom around with me. Somehow I convinced my mother that for her birthday weekend, she should drive down to Chicago, don a beekeeper suit and participate in a full hive inspection. But she’s Sicilian, so she don’t need no stinking suit.
[hey! that tickles!]
We watched the expert Bosnian beekeeper gently brush away the bees with some leaves so that we could gather the first honey harvest of the season. We also watched as about five bees attempted to build a new hive in the back of his pants. But he’s Bosnian, so he don’t feel no bees walking on his butt.
[i didn’t know if i should tell him there was a bee in his bum]
After we inspected the hive, we brought in the frames of honey for extraction, which is an incredibly sticky and messy process. Fortunately, there was a 13-year old boy in the class, and 13-year old boys were put on this earth to volunteer for sticky and messy projects. I’m not sure he knew what he was in for, though, when he found out he had to crank this bad boy for about 15 solid minutes.
[crank that baby!]
Then our instructor cut up the pieces of the raw honeycomb she had gathered, and I felt like the glorious bastard child of Winnie the Pooh as I shoved the giant piece of honeycomb into my mouth and chewed the tender wax until every last bit ‘o honey was gone. Seriously. If you ever get the chance to eat honey right out of the hive, trample whatever mofo is in your way to grab that honeycomb. You do not want to pass up that opportunity.
I cannot say it enough: bees are the coolest things EVER. They are so much cooler than you or I could ever dream of being. If you put on all the skinny jeans and hipster messenger bags and ironic t-shirts in the world, you would still not even come close to being as cool as a bee, so just stop trying. Frankly, it’s starting to seem desperate.
The only thing that comes close to being as cool as a bee is when your mom and your friend (who is actually kind of freaked out by bees, by the way) agree to join you when you invite them to spend a gorgeous Saturday morning/afternoon in a church on the south side of Chicago to learn about bees. That’s as close to bee-cool as you can get.
And since I was too focused on the bees to remember to have someone take a photo of my mom and me, I’ll have to post this one instead. [Sidenote: it’s clear to me now that my love of photobooths began at an early age.]
Happy birthday, Mom!
Love,
Jenny
xoxo
Filed under: General on July 21st, 2009
July 21st, 2009 at 7:29 am
Cool beans! I mean cool bees! I think I would probably be traumatized by the experience.
July 21st, 2009 at 7:35 am
the honeycomb observation is spot on.
however, you’re not really a bee master until you have tricked your guests into thinking that a spoonful of bee pollen will cure herpes.
July 21st, 2009 at 8:25 am
The boy looks either amazed or frightened. What did you do to the boy?
July 21st, 2009 at 11:42 am
Aww, your mom’s so cool and so pretty — I love your mom! And honey. And you.
But not bees. They tried to kill me once, and I haven’t really forgiven them.
July 21st, 2009 at 11:45 am
That’s so cool. I wish I had thought to spend my birthday like that. Instead, i foolishly chose to hang out at the DOT while my daughter took her permit test and then go with my other daughter to get her senior pictures taken. Watching to see if that guy get stung in the buttcrack sounds WAY better.
July 21st, 2009 at 1:11 pm
So what’s the difference between a honey bee and a bumblebee? I thought they were the same thing. I am so uneducated about the bees.
July 21st, 2009 at 1:53 pm
Baby Jenny looks highly unimpressed with the photo booth. I bet she would have thought it was cool if there was a bee in there. Which could be an idea for a photo series: Bee In Da Booth.
July 21st, 2009 at 3:08 pm
Mom is purty. Sibling is staring past the camera in search of his brain. Baby Jenny is inventing ironic t-shirt slogans and is too bee-cool to crack a smile. Maybe she’s cracking a simile.
July 21st, 2009 at 3:55 pm
“bee in your bum” That could be either the title or chorus to a kids song or a rap phrase.
July 21st, 2009 at 4:28 pm
Awww, thanks Shari and Don for the nice compliments~
And thanks for the birthday wishes, Jenny. I had such a good time – you can handle my birthday parties ANYTIME!
Love you, too!
xx
MOM
July 21st, 2009 at 6:30 pm
Such a penetrating stare in that 2nd photobooth shot. Is your Mom posing you? (Gently, of course
July 22nd, 2009 at 12:56 am
I think you are just a few more of these classes away from being able to start that farm you told me about.
(Happy Birthday, Jenny’s mom! It’s me, the curly haired one!)
July 22nd, 2009 at 5:31 am
You look EXACTLY like your mother. I thought that was you with a retro haircut.
July 22nd, 2009 at 6:11 am
dave: oh, you’d be just fine. unless you’re allergic to bees, in which case, you’d be traumatized.
brandon: what are you talking about? bee pollen *CAUSES* herpes! my god, what have you done?!?!
sir: he’s just some weird kid who wandered into the photo. and then came home to stay with us for the next 20 years.
shari: thanks! she is cool and pretty. i’m sorry about your fear of bees. but now that i’m the bee whisperer, i can help you get over that.
churlita: yes, but children with drivers’ licenses can now cart themselves around town, so that’s a gift in and of itself!
sarah: so, i’m still learning, but basically honeybees are the only ones that make honey. there are a bunch of other kinds of bees that gather and eat pollen, but they don’t store it or turn it into honey. bumblebees are bigger and fuzzier, too.
cheryl: i think i was practicing my “bored with life” look for when i became an italian runway model. that never panned out.
don: he does kind of look like he’s being abducted by aliens, doesn’t he?
marty: hey! i’m going to see if that will catch on with the kids in chicago!
mom: all right, next birthday is going to be adobe house making classes!
claire: yes, i apparently wasn’t clear on the concept of looking at the camera yet.
vahid: oh believe me, you don’t need to remind my mom who you are. she’s all, “ohhhh vahiiiiiid!” just like the rest of the interwebs.
ms mazzola: thanks! it’s funny – so many people have said that recently. i always thought i looked just like my dad. we must all be merging together in our old age.
July 26th, 2009 at 8:24 pm
I love that you are taking a beekeeping class!
When I was a little girl my grandpa had a beehive and fresh honeycomb is the best taste in the world. I need to find a class in my area!