Dear Punch and Judy,
I know that it may seem strange of me to write you a letter when we live in the same house, but it’s late and you are both sleeping, and I need to get this off my chest. When I read this to you tomorrow, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, okay?
I really care about you both, and I think we get along real well. But there’s just something you do that really upsets me, so I want to talk about it. I know I should have brought it up sooner, since you’ve been doing this for the past five years, but I just didn’t know how to tell you.
So here goes: a lot of times when you sleep, you don’t close your eyes all the way. You both tend to keep them about a quarter of the way open, and I can see your eyeballs moving back and forth as you dream about chasing flies. (But of course, you only dream about chasing flies, because lord knows you didn’t do anything about the real one that was buzzing around the kitchen the other day.)
Anyway, in addition to being able to see your eyeballs moving, I can also sometimes see your third eyelid come out. Just so you know, to humans, third eyelids are really gross. We don’t have them. Frankly, I get along just fine with only two eyelids, so I don’t really know why you need so many. They make you look like you are dead, or have a disease. Please only use two eyelids in the future.
If you would rather write me back, let me know and I’ll leave my computer on while I’m at work tomorrow. Please don’t get mad about this or puke on my bed, okay? I just wanted you to know.
Love,
Jenny
p.s. It also kind of bothers me when you drink out of the bathroom sink, but I guess I understand.
p.p.s. I still think you’re a good boy and a pretty girl.

Filed under: General on September 14th, 2005