Hey. You should go, “Penny for your thoughts.”
Yeah, just do it. Right now, just go, “Hey, Jenny. Penny for your thoughts.”
Because then I’ll go, “Well, I was just sitting here looking at online dating sites and wondering why so many men don’t wear shirts in their profile pictures. Because really – does that work for them? I mean, it’s always the guys with the six-pack abs, but what’s that all about? No one wants to see that shit. And then I was thinking about how much I like these Cherry Cordial Hershey’s Kisses, even though I thought they would be totally disgusting but I bought them anyway because I was at Target and they were in the 75% off Christmas aisle, so they were seriously only like $0.64 for the entire bag. That’s why I bought two bags and brought one to karaoke for New Year’s Eve. Anyway, so I’m sitting here and thinking about how good these are, but also frustrated at how the little Hershey’s Kisses pull tab doesn’t really work all that well and maybe that’s the real reason these were 75% off, or maybe it’s just that the patented pull tab design never really worked to begin with and this is just the first time I paid attention to that fact. But suddenly, I can’t think about anything except for how insanely thirsty I am and I’m not sure if it’s because there’s desiccant in the Cherry Cordial Hershey’s Kisses and maybe that’s the real reason they were 75% off, or if it’s because it’s 20 degrees below zero here and my apartment is so dry, but it’s seriously all I can think about. I am so incredibly thirsty, and I keep picturing that half gallon of skim milk in my fridge and even though I can see myself drinking the entire jug while standing in front of the refrigerator, for some reason I don’t get up. And then I start thinking about which would be more thirst quenching – a giant glass of ice cold water or that half gallon of skim milk – and I’m really torn. There’s a bottle of water by my bed, but it’s not really cold, and the milk is way in the kitchen. Plus then if I drink up all the milk, what will I eat with my cereal tomorrow? Although I suppose I could make rye toast instead. But the thought of toast makes me even thirstier. And then I start thinking about how it’s getting harder and harder to swallow, and it’s like when you have a mosquito bite on your elbow that you know you’re not supposed to scratch but you just keep thinking about how much it itches. You picture yourself scratching it, and maybe gently rub your elbow against your thigh, but that just tickles and makes it way worse and oh my god I’m so f*ing thirsty, won’t someone do something to make this stop?!”
One cent, please.

Filed under: General on January 3rd, 2008