If you haven’t seen this yet, then clearly you don’t spend nearly enough time on kitten sites. You should work on that in 2009.

Double head!

** UPDATE: I can’t stop watching this video. My new favorite part? “I’m her mom.” “No… she’s not.” **

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When I was five, I was terrified of being kidnapped, she said.

Why? Did you see a movie or something?

She didn’t remember. She wanted to be ready in case some masked stranger snuck into her room in the middle of the night, so she prepared an emergency kit that she kept next to her bed.

As he pulled me through the window, I would grab the kit on my way out, was the plan.

What was in the kit?

It was an empty pill bottle. Into it, she put one watermelon Jolly Rancher and one dime, and then filled the bottle with water. That way she would have something to eat and drink while she looked for a telephone to call the police.

But the idea kind of fell apart when the Jolly Rancher melted all over the dime and turned the water pink.

Still, I think it was a good plan.

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“Why can’t you be more like Charles Dickens?” she asked.

I was unprepared for the question.

“Dickens? What are you talking about?”

“Do you know how long it took him to write A Christmas Carol?”

“No, I d-“

“Six weeks. It took him six weeks, Jenny.”

“Wow. But, I mean, did he have a day job at the time?”

“And what about Anne Rice? Interview with a Vampire? One month.”

“Geez. That’s… that’s impressive.”

I remember Kirsten Dunst’s hair kept growing back, every time she cut it.

“You need focus. That’s what you need.”

“I want to take a bee-keeping class.”

“Charles Dickens!”

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I was forced to do something against my better judgment on Wednesday – something I vowed never to do – but I was driven to this state by the actions of one man. A man I love dearly, but oh my god, don’t ever ask him to keep a secret. As one of the founding members of the TequilaCon committee, Brandon had the responsibility to hold the date and location under lock and key until such a time when we had secured a final venue, or at least narrowed it down to a few options. But then almost two months ago, it started with an email, and I knew I had to worry.

To: Jenny
From: Brandon
Subject: CAN’T KEEP HOLDING IT IN!

It was only a matter of time before he would crack under the pressure. And then I heard rumors of him starting guessing games and leaving a series of clues on Twitter. I had to know if it was true. I had to stop him.

For ages I had resisted joining Twitter because a) I don’t really understand how it works and b) I feared it would be the end of my already sporadic blogging. But he was out of control and someone had to intervene. Vahid tried his best by posting red herrings all over the internet. Dave played it cool and feigned ignorance.

But now the time has come to put Brandon out of his misery. So here I am, a reluctant Twittite, finally announcing the details of TequilaCon 2009.

When the TequilaCon Planning Committee came to Chicago in October for our hard core planning session, we narrowed down the list of candidate cities to a possible six or seven. Then we spent an agonizing number of hours weighing out the pros and cons of each option.

Frankly, even we were surprised with the final outcome. But after much deliberation and intense research, TequilaCon 2009 will be held…
…on Saturday, April 25th …
…in Santa Fe, New Mexico!
[awesome artwork courtesy of Dave]

For the first time in TequilaCon history, we are heading to the Southwest! Yee-haw! Wait… do they say that in the Southwest, or the South? Guess we’ll find out.

So this still leaves a lot of questions, I’m sure, like – what is TequilaCon? And where will we be meeting up? And where should we stay? And will Brandon wear pants? But for now, I can only ask that you hang tight as we work through the final details. In the meantime, if you’re interested in attending and want to be on the distribution list for future updates, send an email to TequilaCon@runjenrun.com.

Until then, you can see what you may be getting into by taking a walk down TequilaCon Memory Lane:
TequilaCon 05: Chicago, where it all began
TequilaCon 06: New York City, where it first got tattooed
TequilaCon 07: Portland, where it got swag
TequilaCon 08: Philadelphia, where it got big

Hope to see you in Santa Fe!

37 Comments; | Filed under: TequilaCon

The time has come to define the new year, and although I’m still working on my official 2009 theme, I think I’ve decided on my personal sponsor and spirit guide. In years past, I’ve chosen Ann Margret and Willona Woods for their spirit and energy to lead the way, but this year I’m going a little grittier. 2008 was one hell of a year, so I think 2009 is going to need someone with more of an edge. I’ve spent a lot of time debating this decision, going over the pros and cons of all the candidates, trying not to be swayed by the lobbyists… and I’m excited to announce that my spirit guide for 2009 is the inimitable Patti Smith.

Why Patti Smith? So many reasons, but to name a few:

• She’s 62 (today, as a matter of fact) and still totally rocks
• I always wished I was even just a little bit punk rock
• Patti is a singer, poet, painter, photographer, activist
• And even better than all that? She’s a blogger
• She did a cover of When Doves Cry and I love anyone who can do a good Prince cover (See also: The Be Good Tanyas)
• Put simply, Patti Smith is a badass

I look forward to a punk rockier 2009.

*** Updated to add this video, sent to me by my friend Seamus. It’s especially awesome because in 2nd grade, I learned how to perform this song in sign language. True story. ***

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All I want for Christmas is a photo booth and a green screen. Thanks!
– Jenny
PS – I finally got a scanner, so you can take that off my list now.

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It’s hard to have so many unfulfilled dreams, because sometimes, when you’re all alone and rooting around in the dark, you trip over all the skeletons. Although, maybe that’s the wrong metaphor, because skeleton implies something that once was alive, but is now long since dead. And if these dreams are unfulfilled, they never really came to life in the first place, did they? So maybe I’m tripping over zygotes. Little piles of dried up fertilized eggs. Yeah, plus I think that’s way more dramatic.
Anyway, the zygote I kicked the other day was the result of a discussion I had with my friend Dr. Greene several years ago. I’m sure the idea came to us over a phone conversation during the America’s Next Top Model commercial breaks. It was at the height of the LOLCats craze, and I remember us talking about how we needed to take that concept to the next level. A fiercer level.
Before Tyra had even revealed which of the girls before her was still in the running toward becoming America’s Next Top Model, the seed had germinated: we would create LOLGreedo. We’d set up a website and soon thereafter, Star Wars geeks everywhere would be sending in their own homemade LOLGreedos, and then we’d sell ad revenue, and get to meet Harrison Ford, and then we could buy more Greedo action figures, and make more LOLGreedos, and move to a chateau in the south of France, and then stop doing LOLGreedo because it would be way over by then, and give me a break, like they even know who Greedo is in France.
So anyway. I didn’t have a white board back then, so that’s partly why the idea never took off. But we did manage to make a few prototypes that I recently stumbled across in my “Unfulfilled Dreams: 1998-2006″ folder:



If only I’d had that white board back then… I’d be all, “Au revoir, suckers! Moi, je suis riche!”

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For the past couple weeks, I’ve been conducting customer research interviews which I’m recording and then transcribing for further analysis. I’m amazed at all the important findings I’ve discovered throughout this process, like industry trends, market needs, competitive intelligence, and oh my effing god, when were any of you going to tell me that I laugh like a goddamn horse?
I mean seriously – was this all some big joke to you? “Hey kids! Let’s just hang out with Jenny and never tell that she sounds like uh huck uh huck uh huck and by the way she’s had spinach in her front teeth for the past 24 years.”
There’s no way I would’ve done that to you. No way would I have let you reach the ripe age of 37 – LONG past the point where you could actually take steps to correct this behavior – without pulling you aside and gently calling your attention to the beastly braying that escapes from your gullet whenever you are amused. I just wouldn’t have done that to you.
I didn’t even recognize it as my own voice when I first heard it. What the-? Was that the customer? My account manager? A foghorn from a passing ship? I had to rewind the tape about five times before I finally realized that it was me.
And it doesn’t even sound like a genuine laugh. It sounds like an interpretation of a human laugh done by an alien who is trying not to be discovered. But we’re on to you, Klaatu! For we shall recognize you by your baboonish guffaw!
Guess I learned a little more than I bargained for with this study. I learned that my only true friend is a Sony M-200 microcassette recorder with zoom mic and Voice Activated Recording.

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Nothing gets me more in the holiday spirit than walking the aisles at Target, elbowing my way past hordes of people rifling through clearance nutcrackers, and finally arriving in my most favorite of favorite departments: Pet Accessories.
As I quickly snatched one of the last available Christmas themed cat costumes, I heard a young woman say to her boyfriend as she pointed up at the display, “Ohmigod, have you ever seen anything so stupid? I’m so sure that would even last two seconds on our cats before they tore it to shreds.”
The costume on the display was the exact one I held in my hands. What this naïf didn’t know is that as long as you have a fast enough shutter speed, two seconds is MORE than enough time to get your money’s worth out of this costume.
Behold!
Can you even handle the classic Olan Mills look-to-Jesus pose he’s doing? What a pro!


Here, I will admit, he looks as though he is plotting my slow and painful death. But still, totally worth it, right?

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“You know, when you throw up in the kitchen like that, it’s a really helpful reminder for me to wash the floor. It’s like I hardly even need to make to-do lists anymore – thanks!”
“You’re right – solids are out and tweed is in. These black pants look way better now that they have cat hair stuck all over them. You should get your own makeover TV show!”
“Good balance is an essential part of any successful exercise regimen, so I really appreciate you wrapping your body around my ankles as I walk through the house. Narrowly avoiding falling into that coffee table really helps build the core!”
“I really should remember to buy environmentally-friendly cotton grocery bags, and now that you’ve eaten the handles off of all these plastic ones and vomited them back up, I’ll remember to go green next time. I admire the way you care about the planet!”
“That PowerPoint presentation definitely needed some more oomph, and an entire slide with nothing but the letters SWSWSSSSWWWWSSWWWW is exactly what it needed. Thanks for keeping my laptop warm while I was in the bathroom!”

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