If you and I hang out in any of the same blog circles – and let’s face it, this is one incestuous pool we’re swimming in, so we probably do – then you’ve already heard several exciting recaps about Davecago 3. But just in case you haven’t, here’s the Cliff’s Notes version: I met up with RW, Mrs. RW, Leah, Kevin and Katie, Dave2, Kelly, Lynne and her beau, Tori, Robin, Suzanne and Gary for some pizza. Then we got some ice cream. Then we went to one dark bar for fancy drinks. Then we went to another brighter bar for more fancy drinks. Then we got into cabs. Then we went home.
See? Boring, right? That’s what you get for trying to skate by life just reading the Cliff’s Notes. You never even got to hear about this stuff:
Chapter One:
A friendly, yet unfamiliar face that I would soon learn belonged to a radioactive girl named Tori walked in and said to me, “Hey, I think we know someone in common! Do you know Vickie?”
And this being a blogging event, my brain would not compute, so I said, “I don’t know, what’s her site?”
And Tori said, “No, I mean don’t you know Vickie? I’m pretty sure she said she’s friends with you.”
And I said, “I’m not sure… is she at vickie.com, or vickie.blogspot.com? She sounds familiar.”
And Tori said, “You’re not hearing me. She doesn’t have a blog. She’s a person. A person you know in real life.”
And then smoke came out of my ears and I spoke in binary code for the rest of the evening.
Chapter Three:
Kevin and Katie innocently ordered something called a “white pizza” and unwittingly started a race riot at my end of the table. Fortunately, Dave2 had made salt ‘n pepper buttons for everyone to promote peace and love, and soon enough we were all back to our harmonious states.
Chapter Four:
I said, “Hey nerds!” to Kelly and Leah because they were synchronizing their Blackberries and talking about persistent user IDs, but then I had to laugh at the irony of calling someone a nerd while I was busy trading buttons with other bloggers and wearing a lanyard at blogger meetup. It always feels so good to be with my own kind.
Chapter Seven:
I tried to impress RW and Mrs. RW by acting like an absinthe aficionado, but they saw right through me. I’ve totally never even met the Green Fairy, and RW is like BFF with her.
Chapter Nine:
I like to tease Kelly because she has foxy* hair and smells nice, so I stole her bag of brownies (homemade by the radioactively fabulous Tori), but soon realized that you should never play keepaway with people who are 3” taller than you because they will just reach up and grab the brownies without even fully extending their arms and you will look dumb and not have brownies anymore.
Chapters Eleven – Thirteen:
What happens at Violet Hour stays at Violet Hour. I can’t really tell you any more about that.
Chapter Fifteen:
Suzanne kept pretending that she doesn’t have a blog, but I know for a fact that she blogs at www.myhungariangrandmotherisavampire.com, but just doesn’t want people to know about it.
Chapter Seventeen:
Gary told us about how he is going to start a blogger commune in Costa Rica, where we will all eat yucca and sugar cane and pineapples and coffee beans all day long, and it sounded like heaven. I am going to be in charge of growing cinnamon sticks, which I will wrap with pretty ribbon and sell to British tourists.
Chapter Nineteen:
I got jealous because Lynne and everyone at her table were drinking fancy tequila mojitos so I decided to order my own fancy drink called a Tequila Mockingbird, which, despite the clever name, tasted kind of like grapefruit salt.
Chapter Twenty-One:
My phone started buzzing, so I looked down and saw a text message from another blogger, Jessica, who was trying to warn me about some artistically compromising photos she had taken while under the influence of the Svengaliesque Sarah. I made Dave2 pull up the photos, and then was shocked, offended, and extremely disappointed to learn that you can only zoom in so much on an iPhone before the photo gets really grainy.
Chapter Twenty-Four:
Leah, Suzanne and I shared a cab and were almost abducted to Schaumburg – a fate worse than waterboarding – but were able to disorient our cabbie by making him drive down streets closed to through traffic. After he dropped me off, apparently Leah also cleverly convinced him to do an illegal left turn, at which point the cops pulled them over and she was safe to Twitter in peace once again.
Chapter Twenty-Four and a Half:
I ate almost all the remaining brownies before going to bed.
Chapter Thirty-One:
Robin shared secrets with Dave2 and me that some people would kill to learn. All I can say is that it involves World War II and a chain letter. It will be ages before anyone else learns what we now know, and I’m not sure I am going to be able to deal with the responsibility of this knowledge.
Now don’t you see why Reading Is Fundamental? Don’t try to coast through life on Cliff’s Notes alone – you miss all the good stuff.
*I’m trying to repopularize the term “foxy.” Please help me in this endeavor.
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